I leave to fly home tomorrow morning.
If I could, I would continue. I love this transient, minimal life. Even with all if the frustrations, all of the many ways Europe has discovered to flush a toilet (and still not all that well), I would go on if I could. Asia, Africa, Indonesia, Australia... just me and Sisyphus, hopefully meeting friends here and there along the way.
When I think about it objectively, who wouldn't love this life? I see incredible things, eat and drink incredible things, every day as a matter of course. I have no responsibility beyond that to my own safety and well-being, and the closest thing I have to actual work is this blog here (which does seem like an outright obligation sometimes but never something I'm not immensely proud of and happy to go back to).
It is, sadly and obviously, an unsustainable lifestyle. I've pushed it way too far already, and will feel those consequences in the months to come. I wish I didn't like nice dinners. I wish I didn't like museums, or parasailing, or riding horses on volcanoes. I wish I didn't like any of those things that have depleted my available funds for this adventure, and now the lack of them forces me to end it. But if I didn't like those things, I would not have had the experiences that have made this trip unforgettable, the very things that leave me, desperately, wanting more, wanting just so badly for it all not to end.
For three months I lived the life I would live my whole life if I could. I got to do this. Many people never get that chance, and I am acutely aware of each and every one of my blessings and fate-smilings-down-upon. Tomorrow I go back to my real life, my other life, which is still not all that down-to-earth and hardly horrible.
I am so, just so grateful for this time. To have had this most precious time. I should be feeling a sense of tremendous accomplishment, and I'm sure that somewhere in there, I do. But one thing I always try to do is be honest with you people on here, and honestly right now I am sad. And yes, I am aware this is akin to a child crying because she can't have more cake, even though she's already just had more cake than any reasonable parent would allow. I don't care. This is my space, and I can be sad about a wonderful thing ending if I want to. There is so much more to see, so many countries and cities and coastlines, and hostels to yell at. I want to keep going. Forward. Instead I am going back.
This song isn't truly relevant to my current situation, but it's been in my head a lot during the course of my travels. I was going to post it originally in the unlikely and unpleasant event that Mitt Romney won the recent election, but by the grace of God and the American people I was spared having to do that. All the same, it's a good song, a thoughtful song, and I wanted you to hear it.
(Also -- DUDE. Pants. Hair. I don't care if it was the '70s. Thank God this was before the success of your music depended on how sexy you were. Instead of, you know, on actual quality of music.)
If I could, I would continue. I love this transient, minimal life. Even with all if the frustrations, all of the many ways Europe has discovered to flush a toilet (and still not all that well), I would go on if I could. Asia, Africa, Indonesia, Australia... just me and Sisyphus, hopefully meeting friends here and there along the way.
When I think about it objectively, who wouldn't love this life? I see incredible things, eat and drink incredible things, every day as a matter of course. I have no responsibility beyond that to my own safety and well-being, and the closest thing I have to actual work is this blog here (which does seem like an outright obligation sometimes but never something I'm not immensely proud of and happy to go back to).
It is, sadly and obviously, an unsustainable lifestyle. I've pushed it way too far already, and will feel those consequences in the months to come. I wish I didn't like nice dinners. I wish I didn't like museums, or parasailing, or riding horses on volcanoes. I wish I didn't like any of those things that have depleted my available funds for this adventure, and now the lack of them forces me to end it. But if I didn't like those things, I would not have had the experiences that have made this trip unforgettable, the very things that leave me, desperately, wanting more, wanting just so badly for it all not to end.
For three months I lived the life I would live my whole life if I could. I got to do this. Many people never get that chance, and I am acutely aware of each and every one of my blessings and fate-smilings-down-upon. Tomorrow I go back to my real life, my other life, which is still not all that down-to-earth and hardly horrible.
I am so, just so grateful for this time. To have had this most precious time. I should be feeling a sense of tremendous accomplishment, and I'm sure that somewhere in there, I do. But one thing I always try to do is be honest with you people on here, and honestly right now I am sad. And yes, I am aware this is akin to a child crying because she can't have more cake, even though she's already just had more cake than any reasonable parent would allow. I don't care. This is my space, and I can be sad about a wonderful thing ending if I want to. There is so much more to see, so many countries and cities and coastlines, and hostels to yell at. I want to keep going. Forward. Instead I am going back.
This song isn't truly relevant to my current situation, but it's been in my head a lot during the course of my travels. I was going to post it originally in the unlikely and unpleasant event that Mitt Romney won the recent election, but by the grace of God and the American people I was spared having to do that. All the same, it's a good song, a thoughtful song, and I wanted you to hear it.
(Also -- DUDE. Pants. Hair. I don't care if it was the '70s. Thank God this was before the success of your music depended on how sexy you were. Instead of, you know, on actual quality of music.)
4:17 of musical meditation. Nice.
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