This post could have just as easily been named "TRUST." But at at the end of the day, trust is born from truth, from honesty.
What happens when that trust is shattered? Rudely, callously, with no regard whatsoever to the damage that will be done to the emotional fractal that makes up a human being.
When someone is forced to face the fact that a person they liked, respected, trusted, has LIED to them... about important shit, just... how do you square with that?
I seriously want to know. I'm very curious to hear your ideas because right now, sitting in this Rome hostel, I have absolutely nothing even approaching an answer.
I am, as of two days ago, 33 years old. And I have had fully half a life of relationships, flings, and one-night-stands end in all manner of terrible, dramatic, pathetic, or just plain relieved ends. Sometimes it was my fault. Sometimes it was theirs. And yes, sometimes I lied. I have hurt my former lovers in all manner of naive and selfish ways. But, in the spirit of honesty, I haven't lied to a lover -- or to anyone -- in a long time. I grew up. In fact, truth got to be pretty important to me.
I suppose, in light of recent events, it was a pretty gigantic mistake to assume that everyone I met -- people I chose to associate with and devote my time to -- people I trusted -- would feel the same way about truth and honesty that I did. Because, to my knowledge, in all my 33 years I have never been snowed quite like this.
Truth given does not in any way mean that truth will be returned.
I'm 33, and I just learned that.
And what I've been dealing with all day, what's done its best to ruin one of my precious few days in Rome despite all my best efforts, is: just how do you deal with that?
How exactly do you shake it off when it comes to light that someone you trusted smiled and lied to your face? And to be frank, my problem has very little to do with the actual person and everything to do with the lie itself. Lying is pretty much the most disrespectful thing you can do to a person, short of physically abusing them. Lying is mental and emotional manipulation, which is what certainly what happened to me.
And yes, there are God-knows-how-many inspirational and faux-inspirational Facebook memes and e-cards floating around supposedly to help me deal with just this crisis, but if shit were really that easy, there would be no need for those stupid cards and quotes in the first place.
How do you shake it off when it comes to light that someone looked into your eyes, said one thing and made it sincere, when really, what he was saying in his heart was "You don't matter. I have not the least bit of respect for you as an individual or even as a friend. I want something, for whatever fucking reason, and I am going to stare soulfully at you and have a meaningful conversation full of nothing but bullshit until I get what I want."
And the thing is -- even though you know he is completely in the wrong, that whatever he thinks doesn't matter because HE doesn't matter, that he's a liar and a coward -- the fact remains that anyone at all had the balls to treat you so negligently, so disrespectfully, and you LET THEM... because you respected and TRUSTED them...
Well, that's something I can't just get over in a matter of hours.
That said, I will get over this, probably quite soon. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe even as soon as this is posted, and all my hurt and frustration and bile gets to spill out into the ether and away from me. But now -- for today, for tonight, I sit licking my wounds. Collecting myself back again.
What happens when that trust is shattered? Rudely, callously, with no regard whatsoever to the damage that will be done to the emotional fractal that makes up a human being.
When someone is forced to face the fact that a person they liked, respected, trusted, has LIED to them... about important shit, just... how do you square with that?
I seriously want to know. I'm very curious to hear your ideas because right now, sitting in this Rome hostel, I have absolutely nothing even approaching an answer.
I am, as of two days ago, 33 years old. And I have had fully half a life of relationships, flings, and one-night-stands end in all manner of terrible, dramatic, pathetic, or just plain relieved ends. Sometimes it was my fault. Sometimes it was theirs. And yes, sometimes I lied. I have hurt my former lovers in all manner of naive and selfish ways. But, in the spirit of honesty, I haven't lied to a lover -- or to anyone -- in a long time. I grew up. In fact, truth got to be pretty important to me.
I suppose, in light of recent events, it was a pretty gigantic mistake to assume that everyone I met -- people I chose to associate with and devote my time to -- people I trusted -- would feel the same way about truth and honesty that I did. Because, to my knowledge, in all my 33 years I have never been snowed quite like this.
Truth given does not in any way mean that truth will be returned.
I'm 33, and I just learned that.
And what I've been dealing with all day, what's done its best to ruin one of my precious few days in Rome despite all my best efforts, is: just how do you deal with that?
How exactly do you shake it off when it comes to light that someone you trusted smiled and lied to your face? And to be frank, my problem has very little to do with the actual person and everything to do with the lie itself. Lying is pretty much the most disrespectful thing you can do to a person, short of physically abusing them. Lying is mental and emotional manipulation, which is what certainly what happened to me.
And yes, there are God-knows-how-many inspirational and faux-inspirational Facebook memes and e-cards floating around supposedly to help me deal with just this crisis, but if shit were really that easy, there would be no need for those stupid cards and quotes in the first place.
How do you shake it off when it comes to light that someone looked into your eyes, said one thing and made it sincere, when really, what he was saying in his heart was "You don't matter. I have not the least bit of respect for you as an individual or even as a friend. I want something, for whatever fucking reason, and I am going to stare soulfully at you and have a meaningful conversation full of nothing but bullshit until I get what I want."
And the thing is -- even though you know he is completely in the wrong, that whatever he thinks doesn't matter because HE doesn't matter, that he's a liar and a coward -- the fact remains that anyone at all had the balls to treat you so negligently, so disrespectfully, and you LET THEM... because you respected and TRUSTED them...
Well, that's something I can't just get over in a matter of hours.
That said, I will get over this, probably quite soon. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe even as soon as this is posted, and all my hurt and frustration and bile gets to spill out into the ether and away from me. But now -- for today, for tonight, I sit licking my wounds. Collecting myself back again.
I'm 37 and don't have an answer to that. But I offer *hugs* and an assurance that you are an awesome person, while the person in question is a doody-head.
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