Okay. Much like the pseudo-environmental post, this has been brewing for a while.
Seriously, hostels???
I just came from a hostel/campsite in Venice (sort of in Venice), in which a group of ~40 French high school kids made nuisances of themselves for the entirety of my four-night stay. During the campsite's Halloween Party, my roommate at the time and truly excellent single-serving-friend leaned over and said "I feel like I'm at Prom." Well, actually, she shouted this, because it was so loud in there you couldn't hear yourself think.
Now, here I am in Florence and motherfuck if there is not a giant group of obnoxious youngsters making entitled hipster asses of themselves.
Hostels, I understand that you of course are in this business to make just as much money off each of us that you possibly can. (Read: pint of beer for four euros. Fuck you. [It doesn't even look like a full pint, come to that.]) But so many times during my trip, my hostel stay has been ruined or at best inconvenienced by large or small groups of young people being well -- teenagers. And with the exception of Yes! in Lisbon and that one Barcelona hostel that advertised themselves as "the quiet hostel" (bless you), the hostel staff seem content to just let these embryos run wild about the place.
Maybe it has a lot to do with the fact that so many of hostel staff are young folk themselves, so this asshat behavior is just what they are used to and expect. It's my polite-but-firm requests to turn down the Italian MTV or be able to nap in peace that confuse the hell out of them.
Just now, even though there are still six people (all older, btw) in the restaurant area of this restaurant/bar room, these fuckers turned off the lights on us, because it was.... Disco Time. I fucking shit you not. That is what they said to me. It is time to fucking Disco. My request to turn the light back on was not met favorably. I am now typing in the dark. In fact, the absurdity of typing in the dark is what set off this whole post.
I of course understand the idea behind a "Youth Hostel." Little guys need a Gap Year and Daddy is only going to pony up for so much. But my question -- what about people like ME??
Quick anecdote. Back when my sister and I went on the Paris pub crawl, I realized in about four seconds that this (sister notwithstanding) was not my crowd. The average age of this crowd was probably about 20, and would have been younger if not for my 32 years throwing off the curve. I ended up at one point chatting to this Barbie doll from Russia, who ended up being... 18. Eighteen. I smiled and nodded. She asked me how old I was, and when I told her, I swear to God this child looked at me like I had cancer. It was seriously the funniest thing to happen to me all night, and was only made better by her next comment. Sadly I forget the wording because I was too busy not cracking up, but it was something super ridiculous appropriate like "Oh, but that's okay," or "But you still have time!" Like I was terminal. I guess in a way I am. But so is she, and if she's lucky she might even see 32 someday herself.
I would honestly love a hostel experience where I did not have to worry about Barbie dolls from Russia.
What about older folk, especially those traveling alone and so cannot afford the "twin bed private rooms" at the budget B&Bs around town? What about those that enjoy the company of others in a common area, but really do prefer that company to be neither shrieking the words to "Call Me Maybe" or spontaneously breaking out into the Gangnam Style dance.
Where, I want to know, is MY hostel???
Duh, you say. Your hostel is in Lisbon. Yeah, that's true, but even Yes! was a little loud and young for me at times. Over the past two months, I have spent really quite a bit of time reflecting on this particular subject, and this is what I've come up with.
A hostel for 25+ only. No goddam school groups, thank you very much. In fact, no groups at all larger than eight people, as large groups tend to take over and make the hostel their own, which is awkward and annoying for the other guests. No Gap Year children who puke next to the bunk for my sister to step in. The common area would be a pleasant mix of small tables and areas of easy chairs and couches. Good music playing at a reasonable volume, probably a mix of old school rock and roll with some jazz and classical thrown in every once in a while. Instead of bar offering shots and "bucket drinks", we'd have a tasteful wine bar where you could buy various wines by the ounce like that wine room they have at the Fair Lakes Whole Foods. Reasonable prices. A pleasant outdoor space. There would even be a legit Quiet Room like at the library, where you could read or work on the computer late at night if your room mates were sleeping, and there would never, ever be any shrieking. Oh, no babies or small kids either. Sorry cool parents. You're welcome, your offspring is not.
Why has no one done this already? To me it seems so straightforward. I see plenty of older folks like me in hostels (there's one across the room right now trying to get up the gumption to come talk to me but I look really busy and intense so he's unsure). And I'm pretty sure that if we advertised all the above, every single person over 25 would love to eschew the fucking Pub Crawl crowd and come have an intelligent discussion where you don't have to scream to make yourself heard.
Of course, in the spirit of fairness I do have to say that in my head, my fantasy hostel is populated entirely with variations of specific people I know and whose company I enjoy. It is far more likely that my hostel would instead be frequented by guests like this very weird Italian woman who stood stock-still for about seven minutes in the Genova hostel common room for no visible reason, and who later gave herself a topless sponge bath at the row of sinks in the communal toilet, despite the fact that the shower room was right down the hall. Here's an image for ya: banana boobs.
Yeah, I'll readily admit that old folks can be real winners too. But here's the thing. She might have been a touch... touched, but at least she was quiet. I'll take that over Katy Perry any day of the week.
It may have crossed your mind that my personality is not exactly suited to the hospitality field. Even if creating such a hostel were possible, I probably would not be the ideal person to spearhead it up. But someone should do this. And pay me a Consultant's Fee.
For real, somebody get on this. I need you.
P.S. No one discoed. Not a single one. So they closed the bar early and now I am typing in reception. Le Sigh.
Seriously, hostels???
I just came from a hostel/campsite in Venice (sort of in Venice), in which a group of ~40 French high school kids made nuisances of themselves for the entirety of my four-night stay. During the campsite's Halloween Party, my roommate at the time and truly excellent single-serving-friend leaned over and said "I feel like I'm at Prom." Well, actually, she shouted this, because it was so loud in there you couldn't hear yourself think.
Now, here I am in Florence and motherfuck if there is not a giant group of obnoxious youngsters making entitled hipster asses of themselves.
Hostels, I understand that you of course are in this business to make just as much money off each of us that you possibly can. (Read: pint of beer for four euros. Fuck you. [It doesn't even look like a full pint, come to that.]) But so many times during my trip, my hostel stay has been ruined or at best inconvenienced by large or small groups of young people being well -- teenagers. And with the exception of Yes! in Lisbon and that one Barcelona hostel that advertised themselves as "the quiet hostel" (bless you), the hostel staff seem content to just let these embryos run wild about the place.
Maybe it has a lot to do with the fact that so many of hostel staff are young folk themselves, so this asshat behavior is just what they are used to and expect. It's my polite-but-firm requests to turn down the Italian MTV or be able to nap in peace that confuse the hell out of them.
Just now, even though there are still six people (all older, btw) in the restaurant area of this restaurant/bar room, these fuckers turned off the lights on us, because it was.... Disco Time. I fucking shit you not. That is what they said to me. It is time to fucking Disco. My request to turn the light back on was not met favorably. I am now typing in the dark. In fact, the absurdity of typing in the dark is what set off this whole post.
I of course understand the idea behind a "Youth Hostel." Little guys need a Gap Year and Daddy is only going to pony up for so much. But my question -- what about people like ME??
Quick anecdote. Back when my sister and I went on the Paris pub crawl, I realized in about four seconds that this (sister notwithstanding) was not my crowd. The average age of this crowd was probably about 20, and would have been younger if not for my 32 years throwing off the curve. I ended up at one point chatting to this Barbie doll from Russia, who ended up being... 18. Eighteen. I smiled and nodded. She asked me how old I was, and when I told her, I swear to God this child looked at me like I had cancer. It was seriously the funniest thing to happen to me all night, and was only made better by her next comment. Sadly I forget the wording because I was too busy not cracking up, but it was something super ridiculous appropriate like "Oh, but that's okay," or "But you still have time!" Like I was terminal. I guess in a way I am. But so is she, and if she's lucky she might even see 32 someday herself.
I would honestly love a hostel experience where I did not have to worry about Barbie dolls from Russia.
What about older folk, especially those traveling alone and so cannot afford the "twin bed private rooms" at the budget B&Bs around town? What about those that enjoy the company of others in a common area, but really do prefer that company to be neither shrieking the words to "Call Me Maybe" or spontaneously breaking out into the Gangnam Style dance.
Where, I want to know, is MY hostel???
Duh, you say. Your hostel is in Lisbon. Yeah, that's true, but even Yes! was a little loud and young for me at times. Over the past two months, I have spent really quite a bit of time reflecting on this particular subject, and this is what I've come up with.
A hostel for 25+ only. No goddam school groups, thank you very much. In fact, no groups at all larger than eight people, as large groups tend to take over and make the hostel their own, which is awkward and annoying for the other guests. No Gap Year children who puke next to the bunk for my sister to step in. The common area would be a pleasant mix of small tables and areas of easy chairs and couches. Good music playing at a reasonable volume, probably a mix of old school rock and roll with some jazz and classical thrown in every once in a while. Instead of bar offering shots and "bucket drinks", we'd have a tasteful wine bar where you could buy various wines by the ounce like that wine room they have at the Fair Lakes Whole Foods. Reasonable prices. A pleasant outdoor space. There would even be a legit Quiet Room like at the library, where you could read or work on the computer late at night if your room mates were sleeping, and there would never, ever be any shrieking. Oh, no babies or small kids either. Sorry cool parents. You're welcome, your offspring is not.
Why has no one done this already? To me it seems so straightforward. I see plenty of older folks like me in hostels (there's one across the room right now trying to get up the gumption to come talk to me but I look really busy and intense so he's unsure). And I'm pretty sure that if we advertised all the above, every single person over 25 would love to eschew the fucking Pub Crawl crowd and come have an intelligent discussion where you don't have to scream to make yourself heard.
Of course, in the spirit of fairness I do have to say that in my head, my fantasy hostel is populated entirely with variations of specific people I know and whose company I enjoy. It is far more likely that my hostel would instead be frequented by guests like this very weird Italian woman who stood stock-still for about seven minutes in the Genova hostel common room for no visible reason, and who later gave herself a topless sponge bath at the row of sinks in the communal toilet, despite the fact that the shower room was right down the hall. Here's an image for ya: banana boobs.
Yeah, I'll readily admit that old folks can be real winners too. But here's the thing. She might have been a touch... touched, but at least she was quiet. I'll take that over Katy Perry any day of the week.
It may have crossed your mind that my personality is not exactly suited to the hospitality field. Even if creating such a hostel were possible, I probably would not be the ideal person to spearhead it up. But someone should do this. And pay me a Consultant's Fee.
For real, somebody get on this. I need you.
P.S. No one discoed. Not a single one. So they closed the bar early and now I am typing in reception. Le Sigh.
nothing like a good rant to bring a smile to my face. There really aren't that many middle grounds out there. It's either babytown party central or deadsville. Us reputable young business professionals deserve to be catered to as well.
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