While on my trip, I have encountered several hostels with some variation of ideas as to how to be "environmentally friendly." Now, I love the environment; I live in it. It makes me really mad when people throw trash everywhere (ahem, Georgia), or build a nuclear power plant or any of those things that are going to hurt our planet in the long or even short term.
However. Over the past month and a half I have come to the conclusion that there is a giant difference between being environmentally friendly and just being an asshole. What follows are several true-life vignettes of faux-environmental assholery that I have come across and have thus been forced to deal with.
I can't remember if I've bitched about the push-button showers on here or just on facebook, but in both Paris and Madrid I had the (second-most) Irritating Showers Ever. You know how, in some public bathrooms, you have that little push-button thing on that sink that automatically gives you ten seconds of water and then shuts off? Yeah, imagine having that for a shower. In Paris they made no bones about it, that shower was engineered to get you to take the absolute shortest shower possible, and it worked, largely because they also often did not have hot water. But in Madrid, (I so wish I had gotten a picture of this sign) there was a sanctimonious little message on the outside of the stall saying something to the effect of: "our push-button showers may seem like an inconvenience, but you are helping the environment!" Bitch, please. You don't give a rat's butt about the environment. You just want folks to not run up your water bill. Your cheerful little sign does zilch toward canceling the reality where I'm not going to be happy about needing to push a button every ten fucking seconds while trying to wash my hair, which, btw, is going to take 20 goddam minutes no matter what kind of shower I am in. I have a lot of hair. But now, if I bitch to you about it, you get to stare disapprovingly at me like I'm spraying an entire can of Aqua-Net straight into the ozone.
My most recent hostel, in Cinque Terre, gave you a freaking TOKEN which entitled you to five glorious minutes of water. Not just hot water, although the water was blessedly at least hot, but water at all, because when your five minutes were up, the nozzle just plain shut off. Tough shit if you still had soap in places and were willing to do a final cold rinse to finish up. No dice. I'm sorry, but I'm in a hostel, not an aircraft carrier. And to me this seemed rather extreme. (Look forward to more on this gem of a hostel when I finally catch up to doing the Cinque Terre post. This place was special. And yes, this is in fact THE Most Irritating Shower Ever, over Madrid and Paris.)
And then there are the lights. In this hostel where I am currently, the lights in the bedrooms do not turn on until after 5:00. What is this, East Germany? "But it helps the environment!", you scream. Okay, fine. Then explain why, in this same hostel, when you turn on the light to go to the toilet (every toilet has its own switch), it lights up the lights in every single stall along the row, and since the lights are on a timer, stay on long after I have finished my business and exited the bathroom.
My hostel in Barcelona had a real stiffy for the environment. At least I could take a proper shower there, but the lights in both the shower and toilet rooms were on motion-sensor timers. Guess what? When you shower and the steam coats the glass shower door, the sensor can't see you anymore! The light shuts off and you need to open the door completely and wave your arms retardedly at the sensor for five-ten seconds (and seriously, this needs to be an effort, because the machine can't see you well if the bathroom is full of steam). This happened, on average, about 3-5 times per shower, depending on whether there was hair-washing. I got water all over the floor (wasted), and did not curtail my shower one bit.
Guess what else? You know what you don't do a whole lot of while pooping? Move. I couldn't take a crap in this Barcelona hostel without having the lights go off on me repeatedly. And yeah, it was no gigantic deal to wave my arms around and get them to turn back on, but for serious, people. And what really got me, in the moment of pooping in the dark for the third straight instance, was that this tomfoolery was in no fucking way helping the environment whatsoever. Seriously, it's not as if I'm going to sit there and say: "Man, my poop session's only about half done, but I have been sitting here for a while already. Guess I should just poop in the dark for a while. FOR MOTHER EARTH." No, I'm going to wave my arms around idiotically, punch the little sensor thingy with more force than necessary, and probably say a dirty word or five.
And then, once I have finally finished and exited? Just like in this current hostel, the light will remain on because the sensor is also on an automatic timer. It therefore is lighting up a toilet for absolutely no one, because the hostel does not trust me to be a barely-functioning adult and hit a light switch when I exit. (Which is hilarious, because I've already hit one about four times just now, proving my aptitude in this area.) Environment -- not saved. Human -- annoyed. And everyone fails.
(Because I'm sure you are just SO curious, I have yet to poop in this current hostel. I will be sure to report if I end up pooping in the dark here as well.)
I'd also really love to have some paper towels so I don't have to dry my hands on my jeans. But even I know that is asking a bit too much.
So yeah, maybe I'm just not being a Captain Planet Team Player, but I seriously do not see the point of all the above shenanigans other than using the environment as a shield for doing what they want to do, save themselves money. At least the Parisians had the forthrightness to just up and fuck us on our showers without telling us we should go dance naked under the moon in joy for our contribution.
EDIT: 10/26/12 -- Yep. Lights went out mid-poo (after being on in all four separate stall rooms when I needed it on in one). Let's hear it for smart eco-thinking!!!
However. Over the past month and a half I have come to the conclusion that there is a giant difference between being environmentally friendly and just being an asshole. What follows are several true-life vignettes of faux-environmental assholery that I have come across and have thus been forced to deal with.
I can't remember if I've bitched about the push-button showers on here or just on facebook, but in both Paris and Madrid I had the (second-most) Irritating Showers Ever. You know how, in some public bathrooms, you have that little push-button thing on that sink that automatically gives you ten seconds of water and then shuts off? Yeah, imagine having that for a shower. In Paris they made no bones about it, that shower was engineered to get you to take the absolute shortest shower possible, and it worked, largely because they also often did not have hot water. But in Madrid, (I so wish I had gotten a picture of this sign) there was a sanctimonious little message on the outside of the stall saying something to the effect of: "our push-button showers may seem like an inconvenience, but you are helping the environment!" Bitch, please. You don't give a rat's butt about the environment. You just want folks to not run up your water bill. Your cheerful little sign does zilch toward canceling the reality where I'm not going to be happy about needing to push a button every ten fucking seconds while trying to wash my hair, which, btw, is going to take 20 goddam minutes no matter what kind of shower I am in. I have a lot of hair. But now, if I bitch to you about it, you get to stare disapprovingly at me like I'm spraying an entire can of Aqua-Net straight into the ozone.
My most recent hostel, in Cinque Terre, gave you a freaking TOKEN which entitled you to five glorious minutes of water. Not just hot water, although the water was blessedly at least hot, but water at all, because when your five minutes were up, the nozzle just plain shut off. Tough shit if you still had soap in places and were willing to do a final cold rinse to finish up. No dice. I'm sorry, but I'm in a hostel, not an aircraft carrier. And to me this seemed rather extreme. (Look forward to more on this gem of a hostel when I finally catch up to doing the Cinque Terre post. This place was special. And yes, this is in fact THE Most Irritating Shower Ever, over Madrid and Paris.)
And then there are the lights. In this hostel where I am currently, the lights in the bedrooms do not turn on until after 5:00. What is this, East Germany? "But it helps the environment!", you scream. Okay, fine. Then explain why, in this same hostel, when you turn on the light to go to the toilet (every toilet has its own switch), it lights up the lights in every single stall along the row, and since the lights are on a timer, stay on long after I have finished my business and exited the bathroom.
My hostel in Barcelona had a real stiffy for the environment. At least I could take a proper shower there, but the lights in both the shower and toilet rooms were on motion-sensor timers. Guess what? When you shower and the steam coats the glass shower door, the sensor can't see you anymore! The light shuts off and you need to open the door completely and wave your arms retardedly at the sensor for five-ten seconds (and seriously, this needs to be an effort, because the machine can't see you well if the bathroom is full of steam). This happened, on average, about 3-5 times per shower, depending on whether there was hair-washing. I got water all over the floor (wasted), and did not curtail my shower one bit.
Guess what else? You know what you don't do a whole lot of while pooping? Move. I couldn't take a crap in this Barcelona hostel without having the lights go off on me repeatedly. And yeah, it was no gigantic deal to wave my arms around and get them to turn back on, but for serious, people. And what really got me, in the moment of pooping in the dark for the third straight instance, was that this tomfoolery was in no fucking way helping the environment whatsoever. Seriously, it's not as if I'm going to sit there and say: "Man, my poop session's only about half done, but I have been sitting here for a while already. Guess I should just poop in the dark for a while. FOR MOTHER EARTH." No, I'm going to wave my arms around idiotically, punch the little sensor thingy with more force than necessary, and probably say a dirty word or five.
And then, once I have finally finished and exited? Just like in this current hostel, the light will remain on because the sensor is also on an automatic timer. It therefore is lighting up a toilet for absolutely no one, because the hostel does not trust me to be a barely-functioning adult and hit a light switch when I exit. (Which is hilarious, because I've already hit one about four times just now, proving my aptitude in this area.) Environment -- not saved. Human -- annoyed. And everyone fails.
(Because I'm sure you are just SO curious, I have yet to poop in this current hostel. I will be sure to report if I end up pooping in the dark here as well.)
I'd also really love to have some paper towels so I don't have to dry my hands on my jeans. But even I know that is asking a bit too much.
So yeah, maybe I'm just not being a Captain Planet Team Player, but I seriously do not see the point of all the above shenanigans other than using the environment as a shield for doing what they want to do, save themselves money. At least the Parisians had the forthrightness to just up and fuck us on our showers without telling us we should go dance naked under the moon in joy for our contribution.
EDIT: 10/26/12 -- Yep. Lights went out mid-poo (after being on in all four separate stall rooms when I needed it on in one). Let's hear it for smart eco-thinking!!!
This could be your very best post - loved it!
ReplyDeleteWow -- thank you! High praise! :)
Deletewell, honey, you made me laugh again!! But, it is so sad to realize how very much we can take for granted. Imagine if there were no showers at all? They say fresh water will be the most valuable commodity in the "near" future! Even now millions of people go without enough water. Forget about splitting the atom; how about pipes with running water for all!!
ReplyDeleteI certainly don't take hot showers for granted, Mom. Not after a year in Georgia, and definitely not now. :) I enjoy the heck out of them. And I'm fine with conserving... but my point above was that almost all of those annoying things *claimed* to be environmentally friendly and yet *did not actually do anything to help the environment.* Conservation was just a buzz word and a bone they threw us so we wouldn't complain as much.
Delete