"My soul is elsewhere, I'm sure of that. And I intend to end up there." -- Rumi

Monday, May 23, 2011

And this is the wonder that is keeping the stars apart

I have a thing.  It is small, and light, and probably not worth much to a stranger who might think to take it from me.  They would be wrong.

It is a heart.  My sister gave me this thing in honor of her marriage, in 2008.  It is silver, and beautiful, and it comes in half so to store other important heart-treasures inside.

There is a tradition associated with this thing.  In Celtic tradition, the Friendship Heart is passed pack and forth among women, to celebrate a lifetime milestone.  Eve gave it to me when she was married; and I gave it back to her when she moved with Brad to Okinawa.

And when I decided to move to Georgia, she gave back it to me.

It sits on my table now.  In Georgia, in Poti, a lifetime and a world away from everything I have ever known or loved.  I don't regret any choice or happenstance that helped me on the road to come here.  But sometimes it is hard.  It is hard, and I know it will only get harder before it is better.  But I look at this heart, and at the ring my mother gave me, and at the beautiful walnut shaker boxes my father made.

It is strange to me that something I should want so much comes at such an unfathomable sacrifice. What would I give to have a night grilling with my sister and brother-in-law, drinking cosmos and watching the 6-hour BBC Pride and Prejudice.  What I would give for a hockey game on VS, with wine and sushi to compliment the goals and penalties.  What would I give for 50 of my closest friends around me, laughing to a Nice Peter Picture Song?

What would I give for one more night listening to the best of rock 'n roll and grilling steak, drinking wine and laughing and talking with the freedom that only comes with the people that truly understand you, and love you.

These people that see you for who you are, and love you anyway.

This post is for you, and you know who you are.  I miss you.  I wish you were here.  Gaumarjos.

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
                                                      i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
-- e.e. cummings


  1. Dear Mary,
    Sometimes you write as I know you can. This is a very nice post and it touched me. Now, your two prior posts bring to mind one word: MODERATION. Please take care of yourself.

  2. This entry is one of my favorites! From your heart to ours -- making that ever so important connection. Knowing how you're feeling is even more satisfying than knowing what you are doing.

  3. Much love to all of you, my wonderful family. Someday soon we will do all those things up there!