Kutaisi-dan!

Well, if I do say so myself, Julie's and my trip to Kutaisi was a smashing success.

We caught the 9:10 marshrutka from Poti to Kutaisi with no (okay, only one very small minimal) problem.  Kutaisi is about an hour and a half away, and is Georgia's "Second City," that being the second-biggest and second-coolest after Tbilisi.  Rolled in just before 11:00 and the bus dropped us right next to the McDonald's.  GLEE.

That's a double cheeseburger, fries, and a Coke.  WITH ICE.

Had a bit of a Georgian adventure getting a cab and communicating where we wanted to go, but eventually we got ourselves to Rustaveli Avenue and to the Cathedral of Saints Peter and Paul.  Brand-new as it was built in 1901, but quite beautiful both inside and out.

Human bone iconostasis

Then it was on to the Art Museum, which was disapointingly closed.  We were promised most sincerely by a guard that it would be open the next day, however.  Next, we followed the map to the post office so I could mail my cards.  Closed!  So, slightly discouraged and a little sweaty, we took a look at the lovely City Gardens, and then set off to find our guesthouse.

City Gardens

I'd never stayed in a guesthouse before, and neither had Julie.  But lo and behold, my guidebook did not steer us wrong.  We were able to follow the map and directions to the very unlabeled and very peeling front door.  By all signs and signals, we were in the wrong place.  But we knocked, and turned out we were right where we needed to be.  We were shown into a lovely home, and to a spacious room with two twin beds, for the very attractive price of 25 lari per person.  Not bad for a night's stay, and certainly well cheaper than any hotel would be.

We dropped off our stuff and headed out again, grabbing a couple beers and a snack at an outdoor cafe.  I called my friend Matt, a fellow Program volunteer posted in Kutaisi.  The three of us agreed to meet after Julie and I visited the Kutaisi State Historical Museum, which turned out to be fantastic.  Loads of Georgian artifacts, from the Paleolithic Period to modern times.  They didn't allow photography, so you'll just have to take my word for it.

Julie in front of the KSHM

Matt showed up right on time, and we took a ride on Kutaisi's cable cars up to the top of a hill, where there was a small amusement park.  We rode the ferris wheel. :)

Cable car over the Rioni River

Me and Matt on the ferris wheel.  Nicely hot and shiny!

View of Kutaisi from the top of the wheel.

Then it was time to hump it down the hill, and back up another one, to visit Bagrat Cathedral.  We got a little lost on the way up which meant we got quite the unexpected hiking workout.  Bagrat Cathedral was awesome, but also sadly undergoing extreme renovation.  The entire thing was scaffolded-up and fenced-off, and we couldn't even go inside.  Bummer, but it just means we'll have to go back.

A very sad and dejected Bagrati Cathedral

After all that, it was time for food and beer!  Matt took us to Mirzaani Brewery, where we met yet more volunteers.  Good food and good stories!  But sadly, my body did not share my enthusiasm, and an upset stomach led to my requesting an earlier night than I would have wanted otherwise.  Julie was very cool about it; we picked up a couple drinks at a market (I sipped on a beer, stupid stomach), and chatted until the wee hours of the morning.  It kind of had an oldschool sleepover vibe which I was digging.  Very excellent day, evening, and night, overall.

The next day, we slept late, had a bit of a slow morning, and left our extremely pleasant guesthouse at around 12:30.  We walked to the Art Museum with high hopes -- it was, of course, closed.  But it would be open tomorrow!  Of course it would.  Good to know.

So then it was just a matter of finding a good place for lunch.  We walked around for a while with a couple of misses, but then we happened upon Aeetes' Palace.

Holy Crap.

Without a doubt, the single nicest hotel I have ever seen in Georgia.  We decided to walk in because we saw an open terrace on the hotel's roof, and the thought of eating lunch there was too tempting to pass up, even though we were afraid it would be prohibitively expensive.  The hotel people could not have been nicer or more gracious.  They showed us a menu -- with English -- and the prices turned out to be not bad at all.  And then they escorted us up to the terrace.

I just don't know if I've ever been happier to eat lunch anywhere in my life.  The views were just incredible!  Plus, we had the whole terrace completely to ourselves.  If we wanted something between waiter check-ins, there was a phone we could use to ask one of them to come up.  One guy dragged out a CD player and speakers so we could listen to Georgian music while we ate.

View from the terrace

We ordered a bottle of white wine, some roast pork, a green salad, some fries, and bread.  The waiter actually opened the wine at the table for us, and our table set-up included placemats AND cloth napkins.

No surprise that the food was amazing.  Our loaf of lavashi arrived piping hot; pretty sure it had come out of an oven just a few moments before.  Julie and I just could not make ourselves leave our incredible amazing private terrace, so it was time to order ice cream, fresh fruit, and a second bottle of wine.

I think we spent almost three hours there, all told.  But eventually, it was time to catch the 6:00 marshrutka back to Poti, which we did, again with no problems whatsoever.

I had a really, really wonderful, very busy weekend in Kutaisi.  I cannot wait to go back -- the only hard choice will be whether to stay at our excellent guesthouse or splurge on actually getting a room at Aeetes Palace!  (I have a feeling it would be SO worth it!)

Georgian Wedding, in Photographs

Argh, it's late, and I'm tired.  And I have to get up at 7:00 tomorrow because I am going to Kutaisi.  With Julie, so it's not like I can just push it back an hour or two if I don't feel like getting out of bed.  But since I am going to Kutaisi tomorrow, I know I'll have another epic post to do when I get back, and the next day my summer job starts...

So here it is.  My second Georgian wedding.

I have no idea who these people are or even their names.  But I wish you all the best.  Thank you for sharing your day with the strange American!

Indoor fireworks.  Safety (and fire marshals) are for other counties.

The bride and groom typically do a traditional dance before they sit down.

Spread.

Nata with host Grandma Izo

Host great-uncle Wagneri and host great-aunt Dodo.  They live next door.

Anna (in white) dancing with a friend.

Creeeepy LED glowing eye on a roast goat.

This adorable old dude asked me to dance.

Okay, this post kind of sucks.  Sorry.  There was a ton of food and wine and good people, and I made mimosas out of Georgian sparkling wine and orange Fanta.  No judging.

Tired.  Kutaisi tomorrow.  Peace!

Reminded of a Different Paradise

Yesterday I slept late and awoke both with not a single plan for the day, and to the most gorgeously perfect beautiful weather I think I've seen thus far in Poti.  Unfortunately, life is not without a sense of balance, and I also woke up to both no power and no water, which was a first.  Definitely have done without either of those, more often than I would like.  But this was the first time I could neither properly wash my face or distract myself with internet.  So I pulled out my bicycle and rode down to the Black Sea.

I rode down the seawalk for a ways until I could be assured at least a rudimentary level of privacy.  Found a flat rock and settled down to finally write some postcards.  The pictures on the cards are all of Tbilisi, because that is where I bought them.  Poti is not a postcard kind of town.  Furthmore, as far as I've been able to learn, Poti has no post office.  It's very interesting to observe (and be well and thoroughly immersed in) a culture where mail basically does not exist.  There are no mailboxes.  No daily visit from the mailman.  No catalogs.  No deliveries from Amazon, Netflix, or your preferred wine club.  No stupid "special offers" or books of coupons that millions of trees died for and that will go straight in the bin.  (That being the recycle bin, hopefully.)

But, I had plans to go to Kutaisi the next day, and that most excellent city boasts not only two post offices but a McDonalds!  So it was with great hope that I penned the five cards purchased well over a month ago, and with any luck -- most of the intended recipients will recieve them within another month, give or take.

That was my view as I sat and wrote and daydreamed.  The sun was warm and the breeze was cool, and long after my letters were written I couldn't make myself get up.  (I have some pretty nice sunburn on my arms to show for it too.)  With the waves crashing up against the rocky coastline and a dilapadated little lighthouse to my left, I could almost have been in Maine.

It makes my heart hurt to think back to all those wonderful days my family and I spent on Lake Pemaquid.  We averaged only two weeks every other summer, but I feel that a disporportianate amount of my childhood happened there.  So many happy memories.  My sister Eve has made it home finally after well over a year, and if all goes well, they will soon be in Maine without me.  I am so happy that they will get to revisit a place that has become so important to all of us, and that they will get to share one more Maine adventure together.  But I wish I could be there to share it with them.

I remember drinking a giant plastic bottle of pre-mixed pina colada with my sister (we were both in our teens), then changing into our swimsuits just as the sun was setting.  It was ~60 degrees and we hesitated at the edge of the dock... and then I -- ever the big sister -- pushed her in.  But of course my evil plan backfired, as she came up laughing and cursing me and the cold.  I immediately felt guilty so jumped in to join her.  And she was right -- it was freezing.  We swam anyway, as happy as two people could be.  My father came down on the dock to observe his children being idiotic, and soon Mom came around Point with a rowboat, probably with the notion that we might soon need rescuing.

I remember my Dad taking us out in the rowboat in the middle of the night to look at the stars.  First time I ever saw the Milky Way.

I remember when Eve got a leech stuck between her toes.  (That was a good one.)

I remember lobster at New Harbor, and feeding the fearless seagulls.  I remember boat rides and epic water battles, and canoe trips that no one will ever forget thanks to the wind being against us the whole long way back.  Playing cards well into the night, and that one time I spilled melted butter all over the kitchen at the exact moment when the cabin's one toilet backed up and my sister split her lip open falling off the bed.

Good times.

A Very Georgian Day

This Tuesday was probably one of my very favorite days since coming to this wonderful crazy country.  And that's saying something.  (Apologies in advance -- my camera was still dead from Anaklia and I hadn't bothered to charge it.  Silly me!)

So after work, I arrived back home about 2:00 -- another very long and taxing day. :)  My host grandma fixed a fantastic lunch, which of course I ate.  But I tried to leave room (ha!), because at 4:00 I had been invited to the home of one of my students, Mari.  On the way over I ran into Nino, who turned out to be Mari's best friend and who was also on her way to Mari's house to hang out with me and her family.  Pretty nice timing, as she was able to show me the way!

Mari and her family were nothing short of wonderful.  Everyone was so warm and welcoming that it put me at ease right away.  There was food, of course, and wine.  And cold coffee!  Practically iced coffee except of course there were no ice cubes.  Mari sung and played the piano for me.  Girl writes her own songs, and she is amazing.  I was honestly floored.  Someone who can actually do something about it needs to hear this young lady, because her songs were really something.

And then they invited me to Nino's uncle's wedding, which was taking place that evening.

Apparently it is so not a problem to crash a Georgian wedding, even if you don't know the bride and groom from Adam and Eve.  They were so enthusiastic in insisting that I come, I couldn't have said no if I wanted to.  But I absolutely wanted to see it. :)  They drove me home so I could change, then picked me up again and we all rode to the reception hall.

Georgian weddings are BIG.  Huge.  This one was set for 350 people, which I'm told is pretty much average.  And the food!  So much food it made every previous supra seem small by comparison.  But I'd already eaten twice, plus a quick khachapuri between classes in the morning!  I could barely touch anything, which bummed me out.  I'd been able to plan for Mari's house, but throwing a wedding into the mix was definitely not something I'd counted on.

We were all waiting for the couple to make their grand entrance, and they seemed to be delayed.  No one knew why, but I looked outside and saw positively the hardest rainstorm I'd ever seen since coming to Georgia.  Buckets.  Buckets the size of stadiums.  We found out the bride and groom were in the car just outside, trying to wait it out.  No luck.  This rain was here to stay.  Eventually they made a break for it, and arrived damp but none the worse for wear.

I drank out of a crystal drinking horn, and recieved a round of applause when I was able to empty it. :)  I danced and Gaumarjosed and danced and watched the rain sheet down when I needed to catch a breath of air outside.

We left around midnight, early for a Georgian wedding, but it was a school night for Mari, Nino, and me.  Mari's father drove me home.  Through a series of positive lakes!  In the hours that we had been making merry, the continuing deluge had flooded Poti's very rudimentary sewer system.  The roads were decidedly underwater in places, often a foot high or more.  I waded through 5-inch-deep water in front of my house to get in the door, and was greeted by my host sisters and grandma, who apparently had been fighting valiantly for hours to keep as much of that water outside as possible.  So of course I changed as quickly as I could and helped them.

Without a doubt, definitely the most Georgian day I have had, thus far.  I loved it.  Even the minor flood bit at the end, which could have been awful but this morning it looked like no real damage had been caused, so that was lucky and allowed me to chalk it up to just one more experience for the memoir!

To top everything off?  Today, my host family invited me to another wedding.  Tomorrow night.  And this time -- there will be pictures!

Summer Work Orientation

So my Program finally figured out what we volunteers are going to be doing this summer.  We will be teaching English to local police officers.  I'm looking forward to actually being able to lead a class, to teaching adults, and grateful that steady summer work did in fact materialize that will enable me to both keep myself out of trouble (at least three times a week, two hours a night), as well as keep the lari flowing into my bank account.

This past weekend, the Police Academy and our Program took a bunch of us to Anaklia, a town on the Black Sea that's about a two-hour drive from Poti, right on the Abkhazian border.  The Poti Gang lucked out -- folks from western Georgia had a commute of ten hours or more.  Our hotel was really modern and beautiful, and right on the Black Sea, but everything else around us was undergoing very heavy construction.  In a few years this will be a beautiful resort town, but for the time being, there was a lot of mud.  And bulldozers.

On Saturday afternoon, my host Mom drove me, Mark, and Julie to Senaki, where we met up with a huge double-decker bus bearing the rest of the gang.  One more stop in Zugdidi and then it was up to Anaklia.  The police took really good care of us.  After the long hours and grueling schedule of our Orientation week in Tbilisi, I was expecting more of the same.  But when we arrived the hotel had put out a truly delicious buffet spread.  They had Ceasar salad that was actually Ceasar salad!  With lettuce!  I died a little.

After lunch we checked in... roommates again, of course.  I got paired with a very nice, very quiet woman from Glasgow named Louise.  The room was awesome -- we had a balcony overlooking the Sea!!  Beautiful.  Plus air conditioning!  We had a short intro meeting, where it was announced that we had the afternoon and evening completely free.  Too good to be true! :)

My host family had packed me off to Anaklia with a gallon of their white wine, so Julie, Mark, and I gathered in her room to put a dent in that.  Dinnertime rolled around -- fantastic little mini-sandwiches and other light fare.  The kind of stuff I always tended to lean towards in the States and completely took for granted while I had it. And... free beer and Georgian wine!

The one bummer about the weekend was that the weather was less than perfect.  The hotel had a pool (a pool!!), but it was too chilly to swim.  All the same, we had a perfectly sublime evening hanging out poolside and catching up.  Of the 11 people in my Orientation group, nine made it out for this weekend.  It was very cool to see everyone again and hear about their experiences in Georgia so far.

Susan, Suzanne, Mark, Kathrin

Johnny and Patrick

Yep

Going to look at the beach at sunset

Lookin' a little rough, but very happy

Right after this picture was taken, my camera battery light began to flash.  Oh, NATCH.  So I put it away, hoping to get as much as possible of the rest of the weekend.  Thus, I missed the huge and incredible bonfire that we built on the beach once full dark set in.  Sitting on the sand in front of the fire, sipping Georgian beer and singing "Wonderwall" (sorry Ping!, it wasn't my idea), I had one of my full-on genuine floods of amazement and gratitude that somehow -- this has become my life.  I played one of my favorite games with a few friends -- "What would you be doing at this time back home?"  None of us could think of anything that topped a bonfire on the Black Sea.  If I could -- I would teleport my favorite people to be there with me, so we could sing proper songs (BooB, maybe?), but I wouldn't wish to be anywhere than where I was at that moment.

The next day, the Orientation meeting started at 10:30.  (Thanks, police.)  It lasted an hour and a half, and then guess what -- we were free again!  They loaded us back on the double-decker and took us to the Abkhazian border, just for kicks.  As is so often the case in the Georgian mountians, some Ravenloft-esque fog rolled in.

There's a dam, a river, and Abkhazia somewhere over there.  I promise.

Posing in front of the non-view

Then, it was time for the real purpose of the trip -- a full-on traditional Georgian supra.  A supra is a feast, complete with literally more bowls of food than will fit on the table (they're stacked three and four high sometimes), and liberal amounts of wine.  With wine -- always -- comes the toasting.  Lots of toasting.  Health, peace, family, country, honoring those who have passed away.  And more that I forget.  Gaumarjos!

Plates just starting to stack up!

As the night wound on, Georgians of course got up to dance.  Naturally it was about then that my camera finally gave up the ghost.  But not to have us expats outdone by the Georgians, someone hooked up their iPod full of excellent classic rock and American dance music.  We had a ball!  And danced our hearts out for what felt like hours, until the restaurant closed and they kicked us out.  On the bus, someone came up with a bottle of red and a bottle of white that the restaurant had given him on his way out.  Some people have all the skills.  It was a fun ride back.

Back at the hotel, a day-long rain had drenched the beach, but we attempted to make a fire anyway.  Unsuccessful.  Survivorman we are not.  Or even Bear Grylls.  Some of the more adventurous souls went nightswimming in the Black Sea, but it was way too cold for me without a fire to warm up with after.  Ended up having an earlier night than Saturday, much to my benefit. :)

On Monday we had to leave.  So of course the sun shone.  Oh well.  Uneventful ride home with an extended layover in Zugdidi.  Mark, Julie, and I went to our favorite outdoor cafe and relaxed with beers and good food.

A three-hour nap happened pretty much immediately following my eventual return to Poti.  Fantastic weekend.  Thanks Georgia police!  I promise to be a spectacular teacher.  Least I can do.

Excursion!

I really need to get in the habit of updating this thing more often, then maybe I won't have to do three posts in one evening!  But yesterday was incredibly special.  My Program organized an excursion for all the volunteers in the area.  At 8:30 in the morning, the minibus picked up the Poti volunteers who wanted to go (I got to meet two new Poti girls -- Dani and Shannon), and headed off to Senaki and Abasha to get the rest of them.  We ended up with a full bus, 14 or 15 people I think.  Mark, Julie, and I got to meet up with Tess, a volunteer from our group who'd been posted in a village about an hour away.

Our first stop was just a cool old abandoned house by the side of the road, where we stretched our legs and had a snack.

Tess, Mark, Julie

Then we drove to Nikortsminda Georgian Orthodox Church.  It was built in the 11th century and was just breathtaking.

Unfortunately, they were doing some pretty extensive restoration work on the interior, but the frescoes that were visible were stunning.

Looking straight up the dome.

Fresco

Remind me not to wear my hat backwards for photos anymore, okay?

After we looked around the church, a couple of us stopped into a local shop and ended up buying the shopkeeper's homemade red and white wine, which he poured for us from giant vats into two-litre plastic beer bottles.  The bus drove us to Shaori Lake, where the Program had lunch for us and we cracked open our wine... the scenery was like something out of a fairytale and I can't think of anything that would have made that hour by the lake any better, except of course some family and friends to share it with.

My humble picnic spread

Our bus driver gave plenty of good Georgian toasts, as is proper whenever wine is being drunk!

Julie and Mark waiting to Gaumarjos.

 

As far as I was concerned, we left all too soon from Shaori Lake.  But the day was far from over...  On the way to our next stop, we drove into the mountains and some impressive fog rolled in.  We made an unscheduled stop to take pictures at this gorgeous mountian waterfall.

Then it was on to a nature preserve, Sataflia.  They had dinosaur footprints!

Then it was a walk through some beautiful wilderness...

Through "Jurassic Park"...

Past more beautiful views....

To a giant cave with some very Georgian lighting, and complete with its own underground river!

After all that, it was time to climb a hill to the Observation Tower.

Engrish isn't just for Asia, people.

But where else can you get a view like this?

Glass bottom!

And finally, after all that, it was time to head home.  We stopped in Kutaisi for beers to drink on the bus.  I love Georgia.  I'm also getting pretty damn good at peeing outside, just by the by.

Second unscheduled stop of the day, to look at these awesome ruins.  (And pee.)

After we dropped everyone wher they needed to be, it was 10:30 before I walked in my door.  Exhausted, grimy, and completely happy.  Every time I see a little bit of this country it always makes me want to hurry up and see as much as possible.  Where to next?

More of Poti

I guess you could say that this week has been pretty quiet so far, compared to the last couple!  This past Wednesday, Ben and I went back to the nice cafe that has wi-fi, and I snapped a few more Poti shots for all of you...

The street I live on.

And the house I live in.

My school is the big red brick building.  800 students!

Thursday was a pretty spectacular day.  On Thursdays, I finish with school at 1:00, which is always pretty awesome.  I took my bike down to Kolkheti National Park and rode it all around, ending up at the Black Sea.  Unlike the area near the port, this area actually has a beach.  It would be lovely, and very cool with all the black sand, but unfortunately this was the dirtiest and most trash-filled beach I have ever seen in person.  Very sad.

Black Sea beach.  Could be a beautiful spot if Georgians stopped treating it like a dump.

My bike trail.

 

Riding through the woods was just amazing.  Before coming to Georgia, I hadn't ridden a bike in a long time because I have terrible knees unfortunately.  Bad knee genes inherited from my father (thanks Dad), and aggravated by a couple of sports injuries about seven or eight years ago.  But Poti was so flat and I was frustrated with my lack of driving ability that I thought I'd give it a try.  So far the knees have held up great, although they did start to bother me right at the tail end of this long ride. 

After the park, I rode across town to Oscar's, and met Mark and Julie.  Not long after we arrived, two drunken Georgian men swaggered up to our table and were being a nuisance.  The waitress tried to rescue us, and I'm sorry to say that things got a little ugly for a little bit there.  It ended with the police taking away the worst of the two men, and then coming back in a little bit to get a statement from the restaurant.  The three of us weren't involved in any of the unpleasantness thank goodness, just tertiary observers.  But it shook us all up enough that the Americans actually bought a small bottle of vodka for the first time since coming to this wild country...

And we bought our tiny bottle just in time to share it with two awesome people from Austria, Nora and Roman.  They were walking by and we introduced ourselves just as the shit went down... so all five of us got to take a calming vodka shot from a bottle that turned out to be just the right size.  Nora and Roman are biking around the world and had just come to Poti via a ferry from the Ukraine.  Two nicer people you'll never want to meet anywhere.  We had a great time and Mark, Julie and I were even able to teach them some emergency Georgian.  They were headed for Kutaisi tomorrow on their bikes -- we wished them luck on the roads with these insane Georgian drivers!

Journal Excerpt, June 2, 2011

"I look at this water and find I cannot wait to see the Black Sea."

I wrote that on August 26, 2010.  Seated beside my pool in beautiful Old Town Alexandria, staring at the blue of the Potomac.  Mimosa and dinner from Balducci's doubtless by my side.  The process had just begun.  I had no idea of the ride that I would be in for -- the months of frustration and waiting and heartbreak, of poor decisions and second chances, and saying goodbye again and again, knowing that it would never be enough.

But nine months later, here I am.

And today I looked at the Black Sea and remembered what I had written, one short lifetime ago.  I remembered feeling full of fear and apprehension and excitement, and sheer desperate determination to somehow find a way out of the empty life I found myself living.  Crosby, Stills, and Nash singing to me -- "Think about how many times I have fallen."  How many grand plans have I laid that never saw the light of day?  How many times have I given up, or been too afraid to start?  Think about how many times I have fallen.  But this time -- this one life-changing, crucially important time, I followed through.

The other night as I was falling asleep, I realized my stomach hadn't hurt in well over a month.  I'm not talking about "normal" stomach pains, of course.  I've definitely had my share of TD and one truly regrettable evening due to some improperly stored leftover fish.  But this was something far worse.  I affectionately called this my "morning sickness," although it had nothing to do with being pregnant.  But I still woke up nauseous every day.  I'm talking about the gut-wrenching, insides-twisting nonsense that can only come from being in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship.  Which is exactly what being in my job felt like to me.

It's hard to believe that every day and night for over a year, I lived with my stomach in knots and my mind a stressed out, strung out mess.  "Business is business; don't take things personal."  That's every corporate motto, right?  But being in my position, the way I was treated, made it personal.  "I'm breaking up with Ursula on Friday," I said half-jokingly to a co-worker as I confided my intentions to put in my notice.  Breaking up with her.  That's how it felt.  I wasn't leaving a job.  I was leaving a malicious individual who had turned me into a living wreck.  And that kind of situation is not business, good business or otherwise.  That is something else entirely.

"I'm leaving you, and there's nothing you can do to stop me.  You can't hurt me anymore."

And before it even got that bad, I still hated being there.  That job with the horrid commute, the long hours, and overall the bullshit work.  I'm not protesting my needing to work hard.  But in that place, the work that I was asked to do was something that I could take no pride in.  I was helping to perpetuate an ugly and unsupportable cycle, aiding and abetting the bad habits of people -- of one particular person -- that I absolutely could not respect.

I can't remember when I first started thinking of "The Meathooks," but I know it was well over three years before I finally quit.  I would walk to my car in the morning, through the garage under my office building, back  from lunch, and imagine I could feel meathooks sunk into my flesh, physically pulling me back into that office.  It got so that I could feel where exactly they were, and their position would change from day to day.  "Mmm, the hooks are in my shoulders today," I would say to myself.  Or scraping under my collarbones, through the backs of my knees.  Between my eyes.  Dragging me, twitching my limbs like an unwilling puppet.  That's what it felt like walking into that building every day.  It felt like fucking torture.

Now that I am here, I have no earthly idea why I didn't pull those hooks out of my skin a long time ago.  I can feel myself starting to heal.  I'm getting stronger and healthier from daily walking and riding my bicycle.  I take deep breaths and find that the tightness around my chest -- the tightness from non-relenting stress, is gone.  And my stomach no longer hurts.