Kassel: Life things, confusing things, awesome things

Dear Kassel Diary,

Why have you been so empty?

I haven't been empty!  I've been chock-fucking-full of long working days, bus rides, lesson planning, and paperwork.  Silly girl.

Yeah, it's been pretty much like that.  Still walking and talking, and working, but there has been precious little to blog about I'm afraid.  There have been no wedding supras, no happy hours at Betsy's, no hostel shenanigans to rage against, and not even one awkward scarf/skirt experience outside a mosque.

This is the truth that I learned in Istanbul.  It's the weird, challenging, hard and downright pain-in-the-ass experiences that make it truly worthwhile to live abroad.  (And I don't mean hard and challenging as in dealing with health insurance asshattery, which I happen to have had more than my fair share of recently.)  Had some wine and conversation with a friend last night, and she agreed that her best overseas memories were the "wait, whaaat?" moments.  I'm not going to pretend that I haven't been comparing the new girlfriend to the first girlfriend, because of course I have.  Georgia's on my mind, and I will probably always miss the time that I had there.  But -- you can't go back again!  Forward, only!  Hau ruck.

My newest girlfriend Kassel is pretty effing demanding, but we have managed to get out a little.  Noteworthy recent events have included:

I turned 34.  After quite a long and full workday, my excellent friend Will let me know that he had remembered my request that buffalo wings happen on my birthday!  Jocylene came by with a bottle of creatively-wrapped wine, and the three of us swung off to the Halloween Party House so Will could make buffalo magic happen.  Of course I forgot my camera, but it ended up being a very awesome, low-key and relaxing evening full of good friends and delicious fattening American food.

I had my 33rd birthday in Rome, and my 32nd in Poti, Georgia.  Ever since Ash Wednesday, 2011, my life has turned into one hell of a ride.  Next year will be a biggie -- halfway to 40.  My stomach just turned over.  But I wonder where I'll be, and what crazy nutty adventures I will have gotten myself into this time around.

Last Saturday, I went out with my friend Will and we caught my boss's band!  Yep, you read that right.  It was a very cool evening and I got to meet a couple new teachers.  Good times.

They are building the Christmas Market!  It's been slowly going up for about two weeks now, and has completely taken over Konigsplatz and Freidrichplatz.  There are lights and giant Christmas trees and signs for bratwurst and gluhwein everywhere!  I cannot even tell you how excited this makes me.  The market is supposed to open on Monday, and I can't wait to take my first wander with a cup of hot spiced wine in hand.  I've been pretty good recently about curbing my spending, but when it comes to this, all bets are off!!  ALL THE CHRISTMAS THINGS.  My excuse will be that people need Christmas presents.  Of course they do!

Is this seriously all that's been going on?  Yikes.  Other than going out to the boss's show, last Saturday was a No Pants Day, and it's kind of looking like this one will be too.  It sucks, but the fact is that my motivation to do stuff is severely hamstrung by the fact that my weekdays are so freaking exhausting.  I just want to sleep until it's afternoon and luxuriate in fuzzy pants with an elastic waist!  I might venture out for a pizza since apparently Bugsy's doesn't deliver to Kassel.  I'll probably be wearing aforementioned fuzzy pants for this miniature adventure though.  German pizza, btw, is far superior to Turkish pizza and obviously light years above Georgia's hot dog and mayonnaise-covered abominations, but they still seem awfully confused about what a pizza should actually look and taste like, for a country that is pretty damn close to Italy.  Oh well.  Someday I will make my way back to Napoli.

This may be one of the lamest posts I've ever done, so I'll amuse you with my growing list of Things That Confuse Me About Germany.

1)  Seat-Hogging.  Germans hate for you to sit next to them on buses or trams.  Even if people are standing, many people will keep their bag on the seat next to them, and act surprised if you ask them to move it.  As someone coming from Eastern Europe, where a seat on public transit was more precious than gold, this drives me crazy.

2)  Streetlights so dim they're almost completely useless.

3)  Recycling gymnastics.  For a forward-thinking country that is really excited about recycling, damn if they do not make this whole situation freaking difficult to follow.  I have a friend who's been here for three years, and he still does not know all the ins and outs of How to Recycle in Germany.  Whatever happened to just having a freaking recycling bin next to the trash bin, people?

4)  Nose-blowing.  A German will clear his sinuses with gusto, anywhere, anytime.  Table in a crowded restaurant?  In a shared elevator?  Standing in a stuffed tram?  In class?  Take a deep breath and send that rumbling honk up to meet the angels, baby.

5)  Not turning on lights during the day, even if outside it is so dark and grey that it's practically the middle of the night.

6)  Germans seem to take off sick really frequently.  And they stay sick (out) for a while.  I mean, I guess it's good that they don't want to spread germs, but I don't get paid if I don't work, so I hope they're not horrified when I show up to teach with a 101 fever.  That should be an interesting class.  At least I know I don't have to hold back when it's time to blow my nose.

7)  "Hallo!" and "Tchus!"  Germans have this really big thing about hellos and goodbyes.  Share an elevator with a total stranger?  You better the hell be sure to greet them and say farewell on your way out.  Pass someone (another stranger) in the hall on the way to your next class?  "Hallo!"  Pick up your bags from the grocery register?  That transaction isn't over until "Tchus!"  Leaving the coffeeshop?  Make sure you say goodbye to your barista on the way out the door.  Also, in America, "thank you" can sometimes be interchanged for "goodbye" in these situations.  Not so here.  Danke is danke, and tchus is tchus.  Let's not confuse things.

8)  Jaywalking makes you an outright rebel, even if there are no cars in sight.


And before my favorite trolls burst a blood vessel in their haste to tell me that I should go home and never leave the house again because I have the stunning audacity to think some things are weird in a new country, here are some things I really like about Germany so far.

1)  I actually really like the hello and goodbye thing.  It takes some getting used to, but it's a fairly perfect illustration of Germans' friendliness and directness.

2)  Buses and trams that are usually not filled to bursting and on time.

3)  Schnitzel.  'Nuff said.

4)  How clean everything is.  It is a very welcome change from Eastern Europe.

5)  Another example of friendliness and directness, people are always doing little things to help you.  Whether it's a dude standing in an open tram door to make sure it doesn't shut as you're sprinting towards it, or an old lady explaining through charades that the proper way to put your bottles on the grocery belt is to lay them down so they don't tip over.  (Everyone does this, I had just never noticed.)  More than once, I'll be having a Language Challenge Moment, and someone will volunteer to translate for me.  It's really awesome, sort of a community-taking-care-of-itself feeling.

6)  Also, speaking of things being on time, Germans have punctuality down to a science.

7)  One of my favorite things about being here is that it seems that people are just more comfortable in their own skin.  After the social conservativeness of many places I've lived recently (definitely including DC), it's just freaking awesome to see an older lady rocking the facial piercings and spiked, blue-streaked hair.  There are a lot of body types here as well; Germans seem a lot more liberated than Americans when it comes to concepts of beauty.

8)  Food choices.  Holy crap, do I really live in a not-US city that actually has restaurants that serve food from different parts of the world???  There is a Thai restaurant and two Japanese noodle shops within walking distance of my apartment.  After Turkish Food All the Time, and Georgian Food All the Time, this is wonderful.  On my last trip to the grocery store, I actually saw (and bought) a jar of tikka masala sauce.  Amazing!!

9)  And of course, the Christmas Market!


So this is my German life, as it stands.  Not too shabby, I suppose.  I really need to learn how to not lesson plan so much.  Right now though, it is definitely time for some salty German pizza.  Peace out everyone.

Kassel: Fun to be had

So.  What's been goin' on?

Still here in Kassel, working my ass off and with unfortunately not a whole lot to show for it yet.  As something that should come as absolutely no surprise to anybody (including me), certain aspects of this job were not exactly as described.  I still really like it here, and enjoy the actual teaching part, which is a step up from past locations.  But a few very significant details are going to need to be tweaked in the days and weeks to come.  Days, more so than weeks, really.  I have a meeting with my employer on Friday to hash some stuff out, so I'd like to stay vague until then, at least.  I'm really hoping we can come to some sort of arrangement or solution that works for everyone, because I really love living here and I'd very much like to stay.  (To say nothing on the truly incredible sum I've already spent making the investment to come and to live here.  Just sayin'.)

Work is... good and bad.  Like I said, the classes are all pretty decent.  Some are better than others, and there are certainly some challenges and frustrations, but there are also classes that are a genuine pleasure, and they outweigh the other side considerably.  The prep and paperwork is significant though, and eats into my free time like a fat kid diving into his birthday cake.  And the travel/commuting sucks rocks.  Basically, I work six days a week, and get paid for an average of 24 hours, and I don't even have a full schedule yet.  But, that's just the way it is.  This is what I get instead of feeling like the worst human being on the planet because I just spent six hours screaming at children.  I'll take it.

When I'm not actually working, here's some of what I've been getting up to.

One of the best things about Kassel is its green spaces.  A couple weeks ago, I went out for brunch with my new friend Jocelyne, and afterwards we wandered around this very pretty park, enjoying the fall colors.

As I think I've mentioned, Kassel has a fairly significant Turkish population.  This means a decent number of Turkish restaurants scattered about town.  I'd gotten Iskender for lunch in one cafe and had been very disappointed.  But this night, Jocelyne and I tried a Turkish place that had been recommended, and it was amazing!  And -- they even had Efes.  I ordered in Turkish and charmed the hell out of our waiter.  My efforts earned us several free shots of raki!

What country am I in??

On my next official Free Day (Saturday), I took myself back to the Bergpark Wilhelmshöhe and hiked around for about two hours, taking advantage of what was likely to be the last of pretty fall.  (Rainy, windy, cold, horrible fall has taken over now for sure!)

I've said it before, but Germany is nothing if not The Land of Fairy Tales.  Everywhere I look I see the beginnings of a story -- and every one of them have elves and princesses with swords.

Aquaduct!

Whomping Willow

I really loved this walk around the park.  Since I'd been there before, I didn't feel the need to truck it all the way up to the Hercules.  Instead I explored side paths and wandered off into the woods in search of witches.  I didn't find any, but I did find these!

Mysterious dark circle of trees

Tiny gingerbread house at a crossroads

And wtf is this??

Needless to say, I did not manage to lose my way and find myself in Fabletown despite my best efforts, and got myself down the hill just before sundown to enjoy a fantabulous bacon cheeseburger at Kassel's very own American restaurant, Route 66.  An excellent day.

But don't think that it's been all work and communing with nature!  Oh no, there have been shenanigans.  Of course, nowhere near Georgia-level shenanigans, but still.

Two weekends ago Jocelyne and I happened upon a small fair going on downtown.  I had my first currywurst (and ruined a white sweater in the process), and failed to convince her to ride the ferris wheel with me.  Lame! :p

This night was significant mainly because later we would happen upon an Irish bar and find it completely overrun with pigeon racers (truth), but also because it was here that I had my first beirgarten beer.

It's Germany, motherfuckers

And finally, Halloween happened.

I was an evil nurse, a costume born out of the fact that they had a nurse costume (coat and hat) and some devil horns for sale when I stepped into the Tedi, which is the European Dollar (Euro) Store.  I picked up some fake tattoos from Claire's at the mall (that's how you know I'm back in civilization -- mall and a Claire's), and doctored up my outfit a little with a red whiteboard marker.  Add a little makeup, and...

Jocelyne injecting me with my own "syringe" (also found at the Tedi)

It was a great party, thrown by three other teachers working for my company.  Lots of good times (and beer pong!), and then the next day I went back there with my friend Will and we made up some of the best chicken wings I have ever had in my whole life.  And yes -- of course the sauce had been brought from America!

So that's been life in Kassel.  Not a bad scene at all, except of course for those pesky things obliquely mentioned in the first paragraph.  Again, really hope some sort of solution can be reached, because how in the hell could I ever leave the Land of Fairytales (and pigeon racing, and second-best shenanigans) to come home to the cold shower of American reality.  I mean... yikes.

Hope everyone is well and happy.  Here's to following your dreams -- even if they do turn out to be scary hella expensive.

The Valley of the Kings

It's just after noon on another grey and chilly Monday in Kassel.  I had what in no way could be called a bad weekend, especially if you lump in some excellent Thursday night shenanigans with the concept of "weekend".  I drank a couple decent gin n' tonics (lemon instead of lime, why Europe???), sang 90s songs (Wallflowers and The Verve Pipe, baby), took a walk in a park, and discovered the truth about Budweiser.  I also had a two-hour meeting on Saturday morning, and did company paperwork and planning for six hours on Sunday.

But now it's Monday, and due to several of my classes being on break or not having started yet, I don't have to be anywhere for a few hours yet.  SO, let's knock out one of these blogging albatrosses, otherwise known as "What I Did in Egypt".

When I last left you on the banks of the River Nile, I had just come off of an incredible day touring the Temple of Horus, Karnak, and Luxor.  Sisyphus once again was stuffed to bursting in preparation for our flight to Cairo, but before Ismail and the group could say goodbye to each other, there was one more 5:30 AM wake-up call.

We were going to the Valley of the Kings.

That is a terrible picture, but it's the best one I have of the Valley because they do not allow you to take photos at the site at all.  Not even outside, which frankly is completely ridiculous.  So this is from the parking lot.  In fact, there are signs everywhere telling people to leave their cameras on the bus.  I did not, and as it turns out that would be a very fortuitous decision on my part!

I was just so, so excited about being here.  I can't even tell you.  Up to this point in my life, this was the single best thing that had ever happened to me.  There were tears again, discrete little ones behind big sunglasses.  I wanted to see everything, but unfortunately the Egyptians were one step ahead of me.

There are 65 known tombs in the Valley of the Kings.  When you buy your ticket, it allows you to choose a maximum of three to go inside and visit.  And sadly, most of the truly famous ones (including Ramses II and Hatshepsut) are closed to the public.  Ismail recommended we visit the tombs of Merenptah, who was Ramses II's son and successor, and then Ramses III and Ramses IX.  So that's what we did.  Tour guides are no longer allowed to go down into the tombs with their groups, so Ismail gave us the highlights and then let us loose.

Inside the Tomb of Merenptah

Merenptah's sarcophagus

Incredible art on the tomb walls, sadly slightly blurry due to illegality

Yeah, so.  Balls to that no photos rule.  It just so happened that the tomb wasn't very crowded at the moment we went inside (everyone in that first photo is from my group), so I and a couple others decided to risk a stay in Egyptian jail for visual proof of one of the coolest things I have ever done.

I unfortunately wasn't able to grab any photos inside the tomb of Ramses III though.  It was more crowded and there was a steady passage of guards wandering through.  I remember it being incredible, of course, and at the end there seemed to be a collapsed or unexcavated passage that was dark and closed to the public.  I should have been an Egyptologist!  Maybe in the next life.

After Ramses III, I broke off from the group because I was about to do something incredibly special.  The one exception to the "no famous tombs are open" statement is nothing less than the most famous tomb of them all -- the tomb of Tutankhamun.  Keeping true to their Egyptian spirit, this particular tomb is not included in your choice of three.  You need to buy a separate ticket to visit Tutankhamun, at a cost of 100 EGP.

That might sound like a lot, but it's about the equivalent of fourteen dollars.

The fact is though, it didn't really matter how much it cost.  I probably would have paid 100 USD for this.  Because let's be real -- there is ONE Valley of the Kings and ONE Tutankhamun's tomb, and this very probably is going to be my ONE -- my very much one and only chance -- to see it.

I was the only one from my group to pay for the Tutankhamun ticket.  The only one.  No one else apparently thought it was worth it to come to Egypt and pony up fourteen freaking dollars.  Well, okay.  Each to their own, of course.  I hope you enjoyed the hell out of whatever it was you spent that fourteen dollars on instead.

But.

This meant I was alone in Tutankhamun's tomb.  Alone, that is, expect of course for the guide/security guard who climbed down in there with me to make sure I kept my hands to myself and also of course to get his baksheesh.  And wouldn't you know, this turned out to be the one time in Egypt when baksheesh culture ended up working in my favor.

Tutankhamun's mummy is actually here; it's the one mummy displayed for general viewing in the Valley.  I did not get a photo of the mummy (sadness), but the guy raised the barrier and let me go right up to the glass for a better view.  He gave me his flashlight and let me poke my head into one of the treasure rooms (now dark and empty, but still completely amazing).  On the other side of the main room, he showed me where to lean over the railing to see an incredible wall painting of Horus and Anubis (I think it was those two).

And then he let me take a picture.  Hell, he took my picture.

I'm the same color as my shirt.  It was freaking hot in there.

I think this guy would have sold me the mummy if I'd asked him.  Needless to say, I paid happily and handsomely for my privileges, and we both climbed out of Tutankhamun's tomb feeling very satisfied with our fifteen minutes.

This was one of the most memorable and generally mind-blowing things that has ever happened to me.  I know I'm saying that quite a bit in these Egypt posts, but every one of them is true.  I've never felt so incredibly fortunate.  The trip.  Of.  A LIFETIME.

I rejoined the group, and we walked over to our last tomb of the day, Rameses IX.  This tomb is interesting in part because it has been heavily defaced with Coptic and Roman graffiti.  Such barbarians.

The tomb of Rameses IX

I was only able to get off one hip shot here, but you at least can see the extent of the decoration.  Completely incredible.  We're walking down to the burial chamber; you can see the hulk of the sarcophagus there at the end.

And that, my dear friends, was the Valley of the Kings.  Had I been by myself, I would have bought a complete second ticket, and gone on to visit three more tombs.  But unfortunately there was an air-conditioned minibus to get to, and several more things to see before I would board my place to Cairo.  So we said our farewells to Tutankhamun and the various Rameses, and headed off to Queen Hatshepsut's Mortuary Temple.

I haven't said much about the heat so far in this post, but let me just take a sec to do so now.  June in the freaking Egyptian desert is no joke.  Without exaggeration, I have never in my life felt anything like this, and hope to hell I don't again.  It was almost unreal.  In a weird, heatstroke kind of way, the extreme temperatures almost added to the experience.  It certainly lent a particular facet of "unforgettable."

After the breathtaking ordeal that was visiting the temple, the group took refuge at the shady cafe and hydrated for a few minutes.  I spied an Efes in the cooler, and was ecstatic for exactly seventeen seconds before I spied the "alcohol free".  Giant sigh.  Switched to coke.  Oh well, it was still not even noon yet, despite my having been up for almost seven hours.

Last stop of the tour was the Valley of the Queens.  Which Ismail told me is actually kind of a misleading name.  It's the burial place for all of the king's family -- his kids, parents, etc... and his wife (wives).  There were three people in our group who had booked with a different company, and their tour included a trip to Queen's Valley when the rest of ours did not.  Ismail gave the rest of us the option to buy the ticket individually, and again I was the only one to decide to do this!

We visited two tombs in the Valley of the Queens, both for children of Rameses II I believe.  It's terribly unfortunate, but I didn't make proper note of this at the time, and now have forgotten.  One thing that did make the Valley of the Queens memorable -- due to these tombs not being quite so famous as their brethren over in the next valley, they're in far better condition and the wall paintings here were amazing.  I wish I could have gotten some photos, but the guards were like hawks here.  I did get a couple shots of outside though.

What would a day in Egypt be without a Baksheesh Shakedown?  At the first Queen's Valley tomb we visited, the man punching tickets would not let me into the tomb until I took from him a dilapidated piece of cardboard.  "Fan!" he said enthusiastically.  Of course, you know where this goes.  On my way out, once again he physically blocked my way until I paid him for the privilege of using his "fan".

"Why are you bitching about this?" you may ask.  "You just ranted that 100 EGP was about 14 USD, and now you're complaining about forking over the equivalent of 75 cents?"

Well, yeah.  I am.  It's not about the money.  As I explained up in King Tut's tomb, I am perfectly happy to exchange goods (money) for services.  This is not a foreign concept to me.  I'm an American, and we're know for being the most generous tippers in the world.  I almost always tip higher than what's considered average for where I am, even if service was less than great.  I understand that people in the service industry depend on tips, and don't begrudge my expected contribution to this system one bit.

But I hate being bullied.  I hate being taken for a ride, manipulated, shaken down, take your pick.  It's the principle of the thing.  I'm not going to cheerfully accept someone trying to take advantage of me.  Money really has very little to do with it.

So there's that.  Baksheesh rant over. For now.  (I'm almost definitely going to get some comment troll about this one, but whatever.)

On the way back, we stopped for a quick photo op at the Colossus of Memnon.  (Colossi?)

And then it was time to say a grateful farewell to Ismail and the Tower Prestige.  I've probably never been happier with value for money as I was with this cruise.  In fact, the only big-ticket item we missed was Abu Simbel, because we didn't get that far south.  I can, and will, recommend this trip to anyone.  Completely safe, completely comfy, and days packed from start to finish with sights you'll never forget.

And then I flew to Cairo.

Saturday Sightseeing in the Rain

Holy crap, am I making a blog post about something that happened less than two weeks ago!!??  Yep, turns out my desire to procrastinate on lesson planning means that I instead choose to tell you what all it was I got up to yesterday.  As you know, I'd had yet to get out an experience any of Kassel's sites beyond that of the beautiful Bergpark, so on Saturday I was determined to call up my backpacker's heart and spend the day tromping around museums and churches.

After a lazy morning, I did indeed pack up a bag and head downtown, despite the grey and cold weather.  Pretty much the minute I stepped off the tram, it started to pour.  Typical.  Well, it certainly wouldn't be the first nor the last time I would go sightseeing in the rain.  I swung through the Brüder Grimm Platz.  The Grimm Brothers weren't born here, but they compiled their first compendium of fairytales while in Kassel, Kinder- und Hausmärchen.  As in all cases where a particular town or region might not have terrifically much else to recommend it, Kassel really loves the Brothers Grimm.  Which is why I was rather surprised the other week when I first came upon the surprisingly meek and tiny statue of the two brothers at the aptly-named (but also tiny) Brüder Grimm Platz.

In perusing my Kassel maps and guidebook, one of the things that had stood out to me was the Museum for Sepulchral Culture.  A welcomed respite from your standard art and history museums, I was really excited to peruse the works in a museum that proposed to focus on "the culture of death, dying, burial, and mourning."

Well.  What a freaking letdown this place was.  I was hardly expecting something along the same lines as the Capuchin Monk Bone Art (see Rome post), but all the same.  First of all, it is incredibly small.  Furthermore, all the captions and descriptions are only in German, which I realize is my problem rather than that of the museum's, but it certainly did nothing to enhance my experience.  Lastly and most importantly, there just isn't very much there.  A few transplanted gravestones and urns.  A couple hearse-carriages.  A few coffins, modern and antique.  One glass cabinet with mannequins wearing mourning clothes that looked to be Victorian.  And some other stuff, but there was nothing edgy or different or weird or even terribly interesting.  There was a little bit of modern art that dealt with the question of death, but only one or two pieces of mention.  I'm not sure exactly what I had been expecting, but this was not it.  I would have been extremely frustrated if I had forked over the 6 euro admission on a backpacking budget.  Even walking through the entire ground floor two times, I was done in less than half an hour.  Big letdown.  Unless they have some sort of Free Museum Day, you really can go and spend that 6 euro on beer with a clear conscience.

Antique coffins

When I came back up to the entry level, the woman at the ticket counter had found a small flyer for me that did explain some of the exhibits in English.  I thought that was extremely nice of her, but I'd been just too damn underwhelmed to take the flyer back downstairs and walk through a third time.  Oh well.  I brought it home, and suppose it will make some some good light reading one night.

After the Museum for Sepulchral Culture, I found my way through the rain to the Neue Gallery, that was supposed to house a good collection of modern art.  The main level has late Renaissance-style paintings and portraits, with a few modern art installations thrown in.  I really liked this one, although I forgot to take a picture of the card so now don't remember the artist or title.

Upstairs is their main collection of modern art.  I enjoyed it, but didn't see the name of anyone I knew.  (Not that I'm some sort of modern art expert, hardly.)  My favorite piece upstairs was this spirally installation:

My second time through this room, I found the info card, and wouldn't you know it -- the spiral is the work of none other than Mario Merz!!  (I should have recognized it, spirals feature prominently in his works.)  I was really happy to have stumbled upon it, and there was that one familiar name that happened to be attached to the most interesting thing in the place.

The other piece that deserves mention was a spoken-word film (in English, yay!) by Willie Doherty, "Secretion".  I don't want to spoil the punch of it by saying too much, so let's just leave it at that it gave me way creepier chills than anything in the Sepulchral Museum.

The last cultural stop for the day was across the street at the Brother's Grimm Museum.  Also quite small, again I'm not exactly sure what I expected but this place sadly did not fill me with wow-ness.  There was a lot of personal ephemera in glass cases; the cards said something like "drinking cup of Jacob Grimm's brother-in-law's half-sister's cousin" or "ring from an unknown woman in the Grimm family."  Um, super?  Some rooms were devoted to the modern interpretations of the Grimm's works, which  might sound cool but in reality just included items such as a framed movie poster of Dreamwork's Puss n' Boots.  The coolest thing there was probably Jacob Grimm's seal.

Back down in the gift shop, I thought about buying my nephew a coolly illustrated book of Grimm's fairytales for Christmas, but they only had one option that was in English and I wasn't loving it, so saved that purchase for another time.

I'd intended to walk down and check out this one church I'd been passing every day on the bus going to or from work, but suddenly food seemed much more relevant.  I parked myself in a corner restaurant and ordered pork schnitzel with "hunter's sauce", which turned out to be a spectacularly delicious brown cream sauce with mushrooms.  The schnitzel options came in three portion sizes, and I ordered the "medium" which I think was 260 grams.  Having always been terrible at math, I had no real reference for how large that was going to turn out to be.

With human hand for scale

This schnitzel was deeply, amazingly fantastic.  But OMG.  The hilarious thing was that they also offered a schnitzel almost twice as big as this, a 500-gram monster.  Which, the menu noted, would come without salad.  Because let's face it, if you're going to set out to consume 500 grams of fried pork slathered in cream sauce, there is not a salad on earth that is going to save you.  (No mention was made of it coming without fries.)

As I worked my way through this thing, I amused myself with imagining how such a creation could ever have come to be in the first place, like a scene from a culinary version of Drunk History.  "Dude!  Let's deep-fry this massive pork fillet, and then cover it with cream sauce!"  "Yeah!  And dude -- it needs to come with fries.  Like, a lot of fries."  "Dude!"  "Duuuuude."  Fistbump.

I had a great dinner at this place, Eckstein's, but when I got my bill I saw that the second beer I'd ordered had been rung up as "Alkoholfrei".  WTF.  Now, it is of course completely possible that's just what they punched into the computer and not actually what they served me, but I had noted that my second beer tasted distinctly different from the first.  So, bummer.  Truly, I do not even see the point of non-alcoholic beer.  It's like caffeine-free diet coke -- with calories!!  At that point, shouldn't you just be drinking seltzer?

Anyway.  Decided to walk home rather than wait for the Saturday evening tram to finally lumber around.  Stopped in for toilet paper, water, and wine (how's that for a trifecta??), and settled in to watch more Jeremy Brett DVDs.  A very satisfying Saturday, all around, even with the less-than-mindblowing museum experiences and the practical joke of my second beer.

I think maybe I'll stick around this place for a while.

Workin' and Ridin' the Rails in Kassel

Lessee... do I blog about my first week teaching in Kassel, blog about the Valley of the Kings, or turn my internet stick off completely for a whole hour and watch some Jeremy Brett?

... I guess the teaching thing should come first.  Boo, I know.

On that note, I just completed my first "full" week of teaching.  Full is in quotes because apparently I do not yet have a full schedule, despite painfully long days at least three out of the five.  On two of those three days, It's painfully long not because I am teaching a million classes and making a ton of money, but because I am riding the rails on Kassel's assorted bus and tram system three to four hours a day to get to all our different client sites.  Needless to say, this reality is slightly different than the "teach two classes at one site in the morning, take a break for lunch and travel 20 minutes to the second site, teach two classes there" that was described to me during the hiring process.

(Note:  I am currently a freelancer, which means I get paid per teaching hour.  This has its benefits and its flaws, and a fair number of both.)

It's been a long week.  Long hours full of meeting my students, figuring out all of my assorted routes, internal paperwork for my company, and of course, the dreaded lesson plan.  Otherwise known as "what I did all freaking evening in my apartment the past couple of days."  I'm really glad it's Friday.  The paperwork is (mostly) done, classes are over and happened successfully, and before too long I really do promise that I'm going to be cracking open that bottle of Italian red (sorry Germany) and watching Jeremy Brett be simultaneously off-putting and amazing, while sitting on my loveseat in my long underwear.

This is, without question, the most work I've been asked to do in a long time.  It might even be more time-consuming than my other-life DC job, and that fact kind of boggles my little dilettante expat mind.  But while this job asks a lot of me, it also does something else that was pretty noticeably lacking in places like DC and Istanbul.

The work is rewarding.  My students are respectful, punctual, hardworking, and smart.  I end the day feeling exhausted and productive, and while I might not be jazzed at the idea of waking up at 7:00 AM, it's hella more peaceful than how I used to feel when laying my head down in Istanbul.  Of course I'd heard from multiple sources that this pretty much is how it is in the world of teaching adult ESL English.  I'm tired.  I legit just did something like five hours of paperwork to close out my Friday.  I have something like 12 completely customized 90-minute lesson plans to get through this weekend, unless I want to punish myself like I did this week, and assume I can do the next day's load the night before.  Not so much.

I still wouldn't trade where I am now for anything in the world.

See, I don't mind working hard when I can actually get behind what it is I'm being asked to do.  Didn't happen much in DC, let me tell you.  Maybe a little bit in Georgia, with my MOJ students at least.  And Turkey?  Forget it.  I'll always be super grateful to Istanbul for showing me the teaching experience that I am not suited for and do not want.  It made deciding which jobs to apply for a whole lot easier this time around.

I know that it will get easier -- that I'll get to know the secret tricks of the mass transit system and that lesson planning won't take nearly as long once I know my students and what it is they're really looking for (and needing!).  The paperwork.... that's something I'm just going to have to learn to love. :)

It's kind of nice to be challenged again.  To have to actually use my brain a little.  I mean, not that I don't seriously miss drinking beer and vodka all afternoon while staring bemusedly at the Black Sea and Georgian Men Hair Sleeves.  That was pretty freaking awesome, for a time.  But it's nothing I could build a life around.  I think that option might just be here for me though.

I'm happy to be here.  Happy to have gotten through the week with no disasters or dumb newbie mistakes.  Happy to be sitting with my feet up on my very own dilapidated loveseat, with the sounds of the tram whirring by outside every few minutes on this chilly and rainy Friday night in Kassel, Germany.

Oh, and today I booked my ticket to fly home for Christmas and New Year's.  Can we say pudgy adorable smiley baby in tiny lederhosen?  Because I sure as hell can.

It's not a bad life.  Not at all.

All right, I can check "one blog post" off the list.  (Did you guess I picked this one over Egypt because it was shorter??)  I'm ready to see some Reichenbach Falls.

Kassel: German Cleveland and Birthplace of Fairytales

Hello once again, loyal (and very patient) readers.  Comin' atcha from my very own flat in Kassel, Germany.

Hard to believe I've been here a week and a half already.  Time has flown, but unfortunately I don't exactly have very much to share that is blog-worthy, thus far.  I've gotten to know my employers and co-workers, and have made pretty good friends with two teachers living in my apartment building.  I've had my fair share of training sessions and meetings, and long treks around Kassel to sketch out my various tram and bus routes to our assorted clients.  I can only say I'm pretty damn grateful that riding the tram in Kassel is far less painful than doing the same in Istanbul, because I am going to be on trams and buses a LOT.

To get to Kassel from DC, I took IcelandAir through Reykjavik to Frankfurt, and then hopped on the ICE train to Kassel.  That last leg was surprisingly brutal, but once again I owe my traveling success to the kindness of strangers, this time in the form of a woman I met in the station cafe who happened to also be going to Kassel on the same train.  Folks from my company were there at the Kassel station to greet me, and they put me up in a nearby hotel because my apartment wasn't ready yet.

I think I have to finally admit to myself that, while the will is stronger than ever, my body simply cannot shrug off these long painful trips like it used to.  I was wrecked.  Nonetheless, the idea of grabbing a sad little sandwich and eating it in my hotel room was positively unacceptable for my first night in Germany, so I rallied and ended up enjoying a very nice meal (and beer!) at a bistro across the street.  And then, a very climactic shower and head-hitting-pillow, which was pretty damn wonderful.

They moved me into my flat on Saturday, and it's... okay.  Hardly paradise but it's an actual one-bedroom, not a studio, and I even have two twin beds.  There's also plenty of storage and a big desk in the living room which is great given the work from home I'm pretty sure I'm in for.  The location is great, and that's the most important thing.

As fate and scheduling would have it, I've ended up only teaching one class so far.  The downside of that means that I've not made any money yet, but the upside has been that I've been able to focus on getting settled, and planning for the classes that will kick off tomorrow, Monday.  I feel like the days have been both long and tiring but in truth, not a huge ton has happened.  Perhaps extended old lady jet lag is to blame?

Kassel might not be edgy like Berlin or full of oompah-ing good times like Munich, but it's a pretty city.  (A colleague recently compared it to Cleveland.)  My neighborhood is one of the few that actually survived the WWII bombings, and there are a lot of olf beautiful buildings scattered about.  I've gone out a few times with friends and colleagues, and finally on Wednesday night I netted my first bratwurst and Oktoberfest-sized beer!  Kassel might be Germany's Cleveland, but there's no shortage of food options.  In fact, last week I actually had my favorite Turkish junk food, Iskender.  The joy of finding said delicacy was mitigated by the fact that it was kind of crappy Iskender (ranch dressing instead of yogurt, WTH), but at least it was available.

There are a bunch of museums and art galleries in Kassel, but I have yet to pass the threshold of a single one.  I feel kind of awkward about that; it has been ten days and really I have not been that busy.  But the only touristy sightseeing thing I've managed to do was a walk through the beautiful Bergpark Wilhelmshöhe last Sunday with my new friend and fellow teacher, Jocelyne.

The Schloss Wilhelmshöhe Museum, which we did not go into.

The impetus for our afternoon hike were the impressive cascade water features and fountain which is the unequivocal highlight of the park.  The water is only turned on at certain times, and Jocelyne had gotten word that this past Sunday was going to be it for the season.  So we humped it on up the mountain and got there just in time!

You can see the water starting its way down

At the foot of the cascades

 Standing guard over this marvel is a giant bronze statue of Hercules, which is modeled after the Hercules in the Naples Museum.  After they turned the water off again and the crowds thinned out, Jocelyne and I climbed approximately 4,565 steps and went to say Hi to him.

His best side.  I couldn't get a photo from the front.

On the way down, we took a little detour and ended up at Löwenburg Castle.  You know... just a freaking castle tucked away in the woods.  If this is not the complete and utter land of fairytales, I don't know what.  Oh, and did you know that the Brothers Grimm wrote their stories in Kassel??

Exiting the park, Jocelyne and I stumbled onto Route 66, an "American-style cafe", and I had a jalapeno cheeseburger that was to die for.  Castles and jalapenos.  I love Germany.

Now, a week later, I'm feeling more or less settled in, but still just kind of tired.  I was hoping to pep myself up before my week of early mornings and long days starts tomorrow, but no luck I guess.  Germany needs to take a page from Italy's book and install little espresso bars every ten feet.

Well, stay tuned.  Maybe next weekend I'll have some Brothers Grimm awesomeness for you.  And there's still half of Egypt to go!

Karnak and Luxor: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair.

Right, so I probably am not going to be making good on my non-promise to finish all the Egypt posts before I leave for Germany, even despite the fact that it's on a list and everything.  But I can plod ahead doggedly, because if nothing else the two best parts of my trip haven't even seen the light of day yet, and that's just not okay.   And I can hope(?) that maybe my first few days in Germany will be more like my first days in Istanbul rather than my first days in Georgia, and there will be plenty of time for catch-up before the next adventures start.  Maybe?

Where were we?  Ah yes, sailing up the Nile from our last sunset stop at Kom Ombo.  The morning found us docked at the town of Edfu, where a fleet of dilapidated horse-drawn open carriages waited impatiently to carom us poor hapless tourists through the busy streets and deposit us unceremoniously  in front of the Temple of Horus.

This temple is one of the best-preserved in Egypt, and it's huge.  Ismail took us all around, explaining the mythology of Isis and Osiris, and their son Horus's birth.  When he grew up, Horus married his nanny, the cow-goddess Hathor.  You've got to love a fertile imagination.

Inside the sanctuary

Me and Horus hanging out.

I took this last picture because I'd wanted to ask Ismail about it.  I found it during our free time, down some unremarkable stairs.  It's like a little underground canal.  Unfortunately, I think I may have pissed off some restless spirits with this photo, because immediately after I got hit with rather an emergency case of Egypt Intestines.  I booked it back to the Visitor's Center at the entrance, and truly, one really does not appreciate distance until one has the opportunity to travel in this manner.  I only had a few small coins on me at this moment, and when the attendant began his inevitable "too little too little", I just brushed right past him to make that final last, crucial sprint.  Nothing like a true emergency to help you handle a Baksheesh Shakedown.

So that... was the Temple of Horus.  At least I will never forget it.  But needless to say I did forget to ask Ismail what that canal thing was.

Back on the boat, it still was only something like 10:00 in the morning, and I decided I'd take advantage of the whole "vacation" thing, and grab a nap in my gorgeous room.  BUT, the boat was going through a lock that morning, and this process took about an hour... every minute of which was accompanied by shouting, catcalling vendors who walked along the lock next to the boat and would throw their prospective wares up to people on the boat and then make like they weren't going to catch them should anyone want to throw them back.  Needless to say, they made catching up on sleep impossible.  But it did mean I was awake for going through the lock.

Since the guilty pleasure of a daytime snooze wasn't to be had, I got a cup of coffee outside and chatted with more of my tour group.  After lunch, we braved the midday heat to go up to the roof deck and make use of the amazing pool.  Have I mentioned just exactly what an incredible deal this cruise turned out to be??

Want to know the very, very best way to get me out of a pool and downstairs and dressed with time to spare?  Tell me that the next stops on our Egyptian tour will be Karnak and Luxor.

Now, I had loved and squeed and fangirl gushed over every single thing that I'd seen on the Nile cruise so far (vendor gauntlets and baksheesh shakedowns notwithstanding).  However, Karnak and Luxor were the first sights that I was on a first-name basis with.  That I'd read about.  Seen documentaries about.  If there's one Egyptian pharaoh who's managed to become a household name, that guy would probably be Ramses II.  And I admit it, my love for the guy was a done deal ever since I plowed my way through Anne Rice's The Mummy when I was vacationing up in Maine as a gothy teenager.   And now I was about to go take a gawk at some of his most famous work.  The real deal.

I'm not going to lie.  I cried at Karnak.  I mean, not a lot, and I was wearing sunglasses, so I don't think anyone noticed (I can hope), but there were definite actual tears.  I had never, up to that point, been so happy to be anywhere in my whole entire life.  (And yes, that includes the Pantheon in Rome.)  It's only a wonderful irony of this trip that I would find my experience at Karnak upstaged twice in the next several days.

We followed Ismail around in a manic photo-snapping frenzy.  He read us hieroglyphs, and showed us an Egyptian calendar.  Explained the statues and reliefs, and provided historical context.  That guy knows a lot.  And then we were free to go.  We were supposed to get 20 minutes of exploring time at Karnak, but I politely and firmly freaking mutinied, and got that time extended to 45.  20 minutes my ass.  Seriously.  For one thing, the Karnak temple complex is big.  And for another thing, it's freaking Karnak.  I could have spent hours here.

During my happy solo wanderings across the complex, An Egyptian dude came up to me and asked if I wanted to see a Hatshepsut Colossus.  Now really, I should have known better at this point, but I was just so damn high from all the awesomeness around me that I heard myself saying "Naam, shokran!" ("Yes, thank you!"  I am an idiot.)  The guy took me over to some guards, who cheerfully lifted a barricade for me and then one of them followed my new friend and me around the corner.  Did I mention the guard had an automatic weapon cheerfully swinging from his arm?  They show me the statue, which is quite breathtaking, and then the guard commandeers my camera and invites me to go climbing on the priceless ancient ruins.  Um, why not?  My shoes are clean, I guess...

They coax me through a few more awkward poses, the guard happily snapping away while his impressive firearm swings jauntily from his elbow.  And then they try to usher me away even further from the crowd to see something else reserved for only the most discerning of silly solo female tourists.  I decline, which requires some back-and-forth, but soon enough they give up, at which point of course it's time for Baksheesh.  To my dismay, my wallet did not happen to contain any small bills, but nothing says cheerful cooperation like being in an ancient Egyptian courtyard, all alone with two dudes, one of whom happens to have a very large gun.  So I forked over the smallest I had, which objectively I think came out to maybe five or seven dollars in USD.  Not a bad deal, all told.  My brother-in-law loves this story, which I have affectionately if over-dramatically titled "How I Paid Five Dollars to Not Get Raped in Egypt."

I gratefully made my way back to the other picture-snapping tourists, and thankfully had no more adventures in Karnak that day.  And then it was back on the minibus and off to Luxor Temple.

My insistence of extra time at Karnak meant that we got to Luxor at sunset.  Some of my group expressed displeasure at this, but I absolutely loved getting to see Luxor lit up at night.  With so many temples and amazing things all packed into a very short time frame, I think this made Luxor stand out.  Not that it needed the help.

Back on the boat, it was straight to dinner after what has to be one of the longest days ever!  (Well, second-longest.  You'll see.)  After dinner, the boat had a show of a belly dancer and a whirling dervish up in the lounge, which was a lot of fun if pretty damn corny.  Also, I do have to say I vastly prefer the Turkish style of dervishly whirling, but that's just me.

Sufi Disco?

I closed out the last night of my amazing cruise up the Nile by chatting on the rood deck with Ismail and a very awesome Australian from our group named Phil.

It was my last night on the Tower Prestige, but it wasn't quite time to say farewell to Ismail and the gang yet!  One more 5:30 AM wakeup call... to pay a visit to none other than the Valley of the Kings and a few other notable sights before I once again shouldered the friendly weight of Sisyphus and set my sights to Cairo.